Frustrated

Last night was not a good night. It technically should have been since Erik came home finally and then we had the weekend where he would actually be home, and I got Season 7 of NCIS in the mail and was so excited to watch it. However, excitement soon faded to gloom as the night progressed.

It would seem that I am going to have to reteach Erik how to be around us every single time he goes away for more than a day or two. He was cranky, snapping at everything, he and I were butting heads as soon as he walked in the door, and every time I said something it was like he didn't even hear me. I was so frustrated I almost skipped dinner and just worked all night. FINALLY I just decided to play with the kids for a bit, which made me feel better. But then he came up to play with us and within 30 seconds had snapped at my daughter, and made her upset, again..... I got her to stop being cranky, and we all went back to playing. Then I went out for a cigarette, and she came out with us. She sat down next to me and was being silly, and lightly hit him in the shoulder with the boys' plastic shovel, which he proceeds to grab from her and glare at her like he was going to beat her with it, which pissed me off. I haven't said much to him other than I wish he could go away and start over, quite hopefully with a better attitude.

Today I wake, and I'm SICK! Where did I get sick? I have no clue. I haven't left the house but twice in the last week. So I am SO not happy about that. I have too much work to do. However, I am totally out of it but promised the kids I would take them to Petco to look around, which we did. They had fun but I was getting more and more fatigued as the seconds passed. After they got to check out all of the animals and stuff we left, went to the grocery store, and came home. But the trip is not what has me miffed, it's his down, totally out of it attitude like because I'm sick he needs to drag his ass around also. My ex-husband used to do that to me, and it is infuriating. I asked him about it and he just said he wasn't being frumpy, or at least he didn't mean to be, but the attitude hasn't gotten too much better.

I am SO frustrated right now. I thought he would be happy to be home. He says he is happy to see me, and be home with me, but he is acting like the kids are on his nerves constantly. He is jumping them about everything from playing in the dirt to leaving their toys around, I have to play mediator on top of working and being sick. I realize that I am "MOM" and will always and forever be the pillar of "sanity" between the kids and the rest of the world. But his disconnected attitude is not helping me feel better, nor get my work done faster, and I am constantly listening for the next World War III to break out in the living room. It's really disconcerting to me right now, and I'm not sure what I should do. I guess there really isn't anything I can do besides be the middle man. I just wish I knew what changed between a year ago and now. Things were so much different then, and in a good way.

Anyway, that is my venting session for now. I hope to be able to write some stuff later on but I must finish my work. :))