Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Isagenix - Week 1
Erik's mom came out to see him before he deployed and brought her new shakes and stuff that she had been using for a while. I totally don't buy into the "miracle cure" or the infommercial like products. But she went on and on about how well it worked, and she felt less pain, and she had more energy, and was losing weight. I don't need to lose weight is my first thought. LOL. BUT, she wanted me to try it and since she had some I said why not. The worst thing that will happen is I will drink it, nothing will happen, she will leave in two days, and I won't ever have to touch it again. LOL So I tried it, and it wasn't that gross at all. And later that day I actually had more energy than I normally do, I wanted to be up and around. It never really occurred to me that it was that, in fact I didn't even really think about it until a week later = now and the last few days.
After she had left Erik and I both found the remainder of the container of shake mix that she "forgot" here. LOL. I knew she left it on purpose, but I was actually happy because now I could give it another chance and could try to disprove my supposed higher energy level the first time. LOL. So skeptical am I. So I made a shake, drank it and although it actually made me have more of an appetite, sure enough later that day I felt more energetic. I was trying to play volleyball with the kids, was up and picking up the house, and found it almost annoying to sit around and do nothing. Weird...... Still not a believer. LOL
So I continued to make shakes for the next three or four days, and felt better. I had less pain, there were actually days that I forgot to take my medication. This last thing is HUGE because I have been living out of some sort of medication bottle since, oh I don't know, SEVEN years ago! I wanted to play with the kids, I wanted to clean the house. Erik and I have been cooking up a storm. I actually have the energy and lack of pain to stand in the kitchen and cook, bake bread, do dishes, and it's all actually fun for me, especially after not getting to do that stuff without some sort of misery, or lightheadedness, or generally uncomfortable feeling of some sort for so long.
Then I ran out the other day. Sad times. I still felt okay the first couple of days. But I was definitely not that energetic, and I had more fatigue. I still did stuff but not nearly as much and by day three I had a migraine again. BUT that was yesterday and I got my order in the mail last night so today I was able to make my shakes and try some of the other vitamins and stuff they offer as well.
Today I had OOBERS of energy. LOL. I drank the "Greens" they offer. Definitely not my favorite thing to consume, and may not continue that one. LOL. But the shake was as always awesome, and I took the vitamins, and I drank this new stuff which is supposed to fill all sorts of gaps as far as vitamins and minerals go. And by the time I got to my doctors appointment I was ready to run a marathon. LOL. It's pretty awesome.
I still check the labels every so often because I am absolutely convinced there has to be something in this stuff that gives you "fake" energy. Whether it's ginseng, or caffeine, or whatever, I don't know, I could swear there has to be something. BUT I"LL BE DARNED IF I CAN FIND ANYTHING! Nothing, not a single fake ingredient anywhere. All vitamins, minerals, things that are good for you that you should be eating or drinking anyway. My whole entire body functions better by ten fold even the very first day I drank it. For someone who has been in pain this long with fistfuls of meds that didn't do anything but dull the fatigue, pain, discomfort, this is insanely exciting. I still have this feeling in the back of my head that it's going to stop being this way, that it is too good to be true, etc. But hopefully, ***fingers crossed*** that won't be for a while at least, if ever.
We will see how it goes in the future. :)
After she had left Erik and I both found the remainder of the container of shake mix that she "forgot" here. LOL. I knew she left it on purpose, but I was actually happy because now I could give it another chance and could try to disprove my supposed higher energy level the first time. LOL. So skeptical am I. So I made a shake, drank it and although it actually made me have more of an appetite, sure enough later that day I felt more energetic. I was trying to play volleyball with the kids, was up and picking up the house, and found it almost annoying to sit around and do nothing. Weird...... Still not a believer. LOL
So I continued to make shakes for the next three or four days, and felt better. I had less pain, there were actually days that I forgot to take my medication. This last thing is HUGE because I have been living out of some sort of medication bottle since, oh I don't know, SEVEN years ago! I wanted to play with the kids, I wanted to clean the house. Erik and I have been cooking up a storm. I actually have the energy and lack of pain to stand in the kitchen and cook, bake bread, do dishes, and it's all actually fun for me, especially after not getting to do that stuff without some sort of misery, or lightheadedness, or generally uncomfortable feeling of some sort for so long.
Then I ran out the other day. Sad times. I still felt okay the first couple of days. But I was definitely not that energetic, and I had more fatigue. I still did stuff but not nearly as much and by day three I had a migraine again. BUT that was yesterday and I got my order in the mail last night so today I was able to make my shakes and try some of the other vitamins and stuff they offer as well.
Today I had OOBERS of energy. LOL. I drank the "Greens" they offer. Definitely not my favorite thing to consume, and may not continue that one. LOL. But the shake was as always awesome, and I took the vitamins, and I drank this new stuff which is supposed to fill all sorts of gaps as far as vitamins and minerals go. And by the time I got to my doctors appointment I was ready to run a marathon. LOL. It's pretty awesome.
I still check the labels every so often because I am absolutely convinced there has to be something in this stuff that gives you "fake" energy. Whether it's ginseng, or caffeine, or whatever, I don't know, I could swear there has to be something. BUT I"LL BE DARNED IF I CAN FIND ANYTHING! Nothing, not a single fake ingredient anywhere. All vitamins, minerals, things that are good for you that you should be eating or drinking anyway. My whole entire body functions better by ten fold even the very first day I drank it. For someone who has been in pain this long with fistfuls of meds that didn't do anything but dull the fatigue, pain, discomfort, this is insanely exciting. I still have this feeling in the back of my head that it's going to stop being this way, that it is too good to be true, etc. But hopefully, ***fingers crossed*** that won't be for a while at least, if ever.
We will see how it goes in the future. :)
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tales of a Navy Housewife - week two
Well, that was short lived. LOL. Erik's mission was cancelled at the last minute so no deployment! I can't say as I'm sad about that. I mean, I wanted him to go, until he went. LOL. So typical. But he really wanted to go cuz he liked the mission he was going on, and we could have used the money. But I started thinking about what if, what if he got hurt, what if something happened that was worse, what if, what if, what if, drove myself crazy. LOL. So I'm glad he's home. Now that he is cleared it is entirely possible he will get picked up for another mission, but for now, I'm going to just let sleeping dogs lie and hope they don't think to pick him for another one. LOL
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Tales of a Navy Housewife - Day 1
So the kids and I drove Erik to Norfolk on Sunday. I would have written this yesterday, which actually was day one but I had a migraine. No sleep and crying yourself to sleep will do that. The kids had a hard time saying goodbye, so did I. I tried so hard not to cry but I was failing, thank God I am good at making a bunch of really mean jokes when I am in that position. I mostly wanted to stay strong for the kids. They were on the verge of tears, and they don't even understand what is going on. LOL.
I cried myself to sleep. And was a zombie most of the day. I kept getting random urges to cry at the dumbest stuff. And I have the worst thoughts EVER. I can't stop thinking about what if something happens, what if he doesn't come home, what if he finds someone else, what if, what if. I drove myself crazy. It sucks. I have zero control over anything that happens for the next 14 months with him. I've never had to watch someone I cared about walk into a war zone where he might not come out. I also keep thinking that I need to stay positive, but that is really not working well. Especially since for most of my life every time I prayed about something or tried to hope that something wouldn't happen, it inevitably would. So my track record is not lookin' so great. He keeps telling me he is coming back, but then he so blatantly pointed out we couldn't guarantee anything. That really helped. But I can't help feeling like I am playing with fire. I already lost him once and got him back, and now we have gone and volunteered for a really long, really dangerous trip across the world, and I just can't help but have a bad feeling. I keep trying to get it to go away and it's just not working. I don't want to tell him about that, but at the same time I want him to know how I feel and what I think and I want him to promise me he will be okay, and he is not doing a very good job. But I am scared to death that that parking lot will be the last time I ever see him, even though I am keeping all my appendages crossed that it's not.
Then I thought up the idea that I could drive back down and see him for the last day or two he was here so we would at least get to spend a little more time together. And he has basically been avoiding that ever since. Can't tell you how wanted I feel right about now. It doesn't matter what I say, or how it actually is doable, it doesn't seem to matter. So now I don't know what to think, which is nothing new. But it is getting old.
So many mixed emotions, and I can't seem to get rid of a single one. It totally sucks. I am usually much better at putting this stuff in it's place in my brain and just shutting it down. But he has this retarded grip on me, always has. It pisses me off really. And now I get to go the next 14 months wondering, whether he is coming home, whether he is going to stay with me when he does. I guess only time will tell, huh?
I cried myself to sleep. And was a zombie most of the day. I kept getting random urges to cry at the dumbest stuff. And I have the worst thoughts EVER. I can't stop thinking about what if something happens, what if he doesn't come home, what if he finds someone else, what if, what if. I drove myself crazy. It sucks. I have zero control over anything that happens for the next 14 months with him. I've never had to watch someone I cared about walk into a war zone where he might not come out. I also keep thinking that I need to stay positive, but that is really not working well. Especially since for most of my life every time I prayed about something or tried to hope that something wouldn't happen, it inevitably would. So my track record is not lookin' so great. He keeps telling me he is coming back, but then he so blatantly pointed out we couldn't guarantee anything. That really helped. But I can't help feeling like I am playing with fire. I already lost him once and got him back, and now we have gone and volunteered for a really long, really dangerous trip across the world, and I just can't help but have a bad feeling. I keep trying to get it to go away and it's just not working. I don't want to tell him about that, but at the same time I want him to know how I feel and what I think and I want him to promise me he will be okay, and he is not doing a very good job. But I am scared to death that that parking lot will be the last time I ever see him, even though I am keeping all my appendages crossed that it's not.
Then I thought up the idea that I could drive back down and see him for the last day or two he was here so we would at least get to spend a little more time together. And he has basically been avoiding that ever since. Can't tell you how wanted I feel right about now. It doesn't matter what I say, or how it actually is doable, it doesn't seem to matter. So now I don't know what to think, which is nothing new. But it is getting old.
So many mixed emotions, and I can't seem to get rid of a single one. It totally sucks. I am usually much better at putting this stuff in it's place in my brain and just shutting it down. But he has this retarded grip on me, always has. It pisses me off really. And now I get to go the next 14 months wondering, whether he is coming home, whether he is going to stay with me when he does. I guess only time will tell, huh?
Friday, December 31, 2010
2010
As I look back on 2010 I realize one thing, it was overall a gigantic disappointment. There are so many things that I want to do that I have not done, didn't even start, or did not finish that it is quite depressing really. HOWEVER! I will be 31 in 15 minutes and I have decided that this year will be the start of the next 30. There are things that I want to do, helping people, helping myself, all of which I have been putting off, medically, monetarily, and community services such as helping kids. I really want to help kids because I feel like that would do the most good. You can help adults but they are essentially set in their ways, whereas kids still have a vast amount of potential that just needs to be tapped into. SO, I have decided that this year I am going to start at least ONE thing, whether it be with a school, or foster homes, group homes, I dunno yet. But something is going to be started, and hopefully it will be big enough that I can help lots of people. Also, I am going to get my medical stuff squared away once and for all. I am tired of not knowing, guessing, thinking it's one thing and then something else happening, I'm just fed up with all of the repeated screw ups. I am going to go and get tested for everything under the sun, and SOMETHING will give, because I am tired of this game that is my life. My kids need more from me, I need more from me, so more is what I will find in myself to give. Plus, I don't want my kids growing up with this disgust and hatred towards people that I have, obviously not to everyone, but I have lent a helping hand and had it bitten off so many times that I have grown bitter towards those who need help and are not just using me for what I can give. I am going to try and find that nurturing side of me that I have had for some time, but has been dormant for a very long time. I am determined to do something better this year, and in years to come. On that note, Happy New Year to everyone, and if anyone has any suggestions, or advice, or would like to help with any ideas or future endeavors please feel free to write.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tired
So, I am not exactly sure where to start. I am exhausted, I know that much. LOL.
Christmas was good. As good as it could be I guess. The kids were very excited about their Christmas presents. I think my favorite present was Jaron's drums. LOL. I like the drums, I just hope he really puts himself into them. I think he has great potential to be really good at them. Austaya's electric guitar keeps breaking a string because something is wrong with the tuning knobs. So we have to go get that fixed, but she seemed really excited about it. Odie hasn't been excited about much of anything because he had broken his arm, then he got his cast off but he has to take it easy, and now he has the cold that we have all been passing around. LOL. Poor guy can't win for losin'. Hopefully we will all get over it soon.
As for getting over it, I decided to finally go to the doctor for what I thought was a UTI. Turns out it's a little more serious than that. I'm not very happy about it. I always put stuff off for the sake of dealing with everything else that is going on just to find out that I am sicker than I thought. LOL. You would think I would know better by now. Anyway, on that note, I have a whole gang of tests to look forward too, again. I have no idea what is wrong with me other than the increase in bilirubin in my system. Let me tell ya how much that caught me off guard. LOL. I had never even considered that something that could happen to adults. Now I have no idea what I should be doing. Should I be eating certain foods, drinking certain fluids, sleeping more, sleeping less, exercising, not exercising? Your guess is as good as mine. I have no idea what is going on, or what can help it improve until I get the tests done. I hate the waiting game. I have done this before too many times and I hate it. And I always seem to end up with the unknown. It's so frustrating. And I'm so tired right now I have no energy to clean, move, anything, so that makes it really hard for me to distract myself from all of this crap. The only thing I have the energy to do is think, and even THAT is a stretch half the time.
I am feeling very alone in this battle. It's weird for me because I have never really been one to rely on anyone for moral support, or for help with stuff. Usually if I want something done, or it needs to be done, I just do it myself. But I am literally exhausted from the minute I wake up until the minute I go to bed, and then I have a hard time sleeping. Go figure. LOL.
And then there are relationship issues that are draining me just by thinking about it. I have exhausted all talking, lecturing, being understanding routes that I could take. And honestly at this point I am not sure that I have the energy to try to fix anything. Normally I stick it out until hell freezes over, and try to make things better, or just turn into a cold hearted bitch who doesn't care and make it work. But with everything else going on, I just don't have it in me anymore. The one thing I do know is that I cannot live like this. And I'm not sure I want to. But I guess we will see how things go.
My birthday is this Saturday. UGH! I'm gonna be 31. Where did the last 12 years go? LOL. Oh well, happy birthday to me I guess.
The homeschooling thing went out the door. My older two just will not cooperate. AND THEN I put them in public school and they proceed to lie, cheat, and steal their way to not doing their homework and not doing their school work. I really don't know who they are anymore. They are not the kids that I left in Montana a year ago that's for sure. They used to like school. Now they just spend their days misbehaving and trying to find ways to be completely uncooperative, and not doing their work. It's so weird. Their homework has been a struggle too. It's weird, I feel like every thing that is going on, every, single last thing is going against everything I am doing, or trying to do. I thought that things were supposed to get better, but they have done nothing but get worse, and worse, and worse. It's really baffling. I just don't understand at all what is going on anymore. Anyway, I guess just take it one day at a time.
Christmas was good. As good as it could be I guess. The kids were very excited about their Christmas presents. I think my favorite present was Jaron's drums. LOL. I like the drums, I just hope he really puts himself into them. I think he has great potential to be really good at them. Austaya's electric guitar keeps breaking a string because something is wrong with the tuning knobs. So we have to go get that fixed, but she seemed really excited about it. Odie hasn't been excited about much of anything because he had broken his arm, then he got his cast off but he has to take it easy, and now he has the cold that we have all been passing around. LOL. Poor guy can't win for losin'. Hopefully we will all get over it soon.
As for getting over it, I decided to finally go to the doctor for what I thought was a UTI. Turns out it's a little more serious than that. I'm not very happy about it. I always put stuff off for the sake of dealing with everything else that is going on just to find out that I am sicker than I thought. LOL. You would think I would know better by now. Anyway, on that note, I have a whole gang of tests to look forward too, again. I have no idea what is wrong with me other than the increase in bilirubin in my system. Let me tell ya how much that caught me off guard. LOL. I had never even considered that something that could happen to adults. Now I have no idea what I should be doing. Should I be eating certain foods, drinking certain fluids, sleeping more, sleeping less, exercising, not exercising? Your guess is as good as mine. I have no idea what is going on, or what can help it improve until I get the tests done. I hate the waiting game. I have done this before too many times and I hate it. And I always seem to end up with the unknown. It's so frustrating. And I'm so tired right now I have no energy to clean, move, anything, so that makes it really hard for me to distract myself from all of this crap. The only thing I have the energy to do is think, and even THAT is a stretch half the time.
I am feeling very alone in this battle. It's weird for me because I have never really been one to rely on anyone for moral support, or for help with stuff. Usually if I want something done, or it needs to be done, I just do it myself. But I am literally exhausted from the minute I wake up until the minute I go to bed, and then I have a hard time sleeping. Go figure. LOL.
And then there are relationship issues that are draining me just by thinking about it. I have exhausted all talking, lecturing, being understanding routes that I could take. And honestly at this point I am not sure that I have the energy to try to fix anything. Normally I stick it out until hell freezes over, and try to make things better, or just turn into a cold hearted bitch who doesn't care and make it work. But with everything else going on, I just don't have it in me anymore. The one thing I do know is that I cannot live like this. And I'm not sure I want to. But I guess we will see how things go.
My birthday is this Saturday. UGH! I'm gonna be 31. Where did the last 12 years go? LOL. Oh well, happy birthday to me I guess.
The homeschooling thing went out the door. My older two just will not cooperate. AND THEN I put them in public school and they proceed to lie, cheat, and steal their way to not doing their homework and not doing their school work. I really don't know who they are anymore. They are not the kids that I left in Montana a year ago that's for sure. They used to like school. Now they just spend their days misbehaving and trying to find ways to be completely uncooperative, and not doing their work. It's so weird. Their homework has been a struggle too. It's weird, I feel like every thing that is going on, every, single last thing is going against everything I am doing, or trying to do. I thought that things were supposed to get better, but they have done nothing but get worse, and worse, and worse. It's really baffling. I just don't understand at all what is going on anymore. Anyway, I guess just take it one day at a time.
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