Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I'm sick of this crap

I'm sick and tired of being treated like crap. I put myself out there and I apologize repeatedly and I get walked all over and treated like total shit. It's ridiculous how I get treated sometimes. It's like I'm not worth anything, I'm not worth the effort, no one cares about how I feel or what I say. And everyone ALWAYS listens to everyone else and never asks me, never wants to know what I think or what I say about anything. Mainly one person. And one guy, Karl Oehrtman, has judged me without even knowing me. He goes to church once a week and then he acts like he is so perfect, so righteous. He forgot that to pass judgment alone makes him an evil person. And he paid my ex husband off to divorce me. How righteous and perfect is that? And now my ex husband can't even respond to a question that he said he would answer, because he is following in daddy's footsteps. It's absolutely unfathomable to me how someone can be that way. I don't get it. And I can't get any answers. I try to let it go and then I am just shocked by some other behavior that just baffles me. And the arrogance, considering the things I know, blows me away too. The fact that I could bury careers and yet they just act like I don't exist. And at this point I don't owe them anything. They treat me like shit. So what's to keep me from doing it? What's to keep me being the nice guy, the one who protects them? Why should I? It's because I'm the bigger person. But that is wearing thin. It's about to turn into a battle of wits that I always win. I may not be perfect but when it comes to revenge, I'm the best chef there is. And I'm sick and tired of being the nice guy, the one who keeps considering their future, when they keep treating me like I'm nothing, less than nothing. I don't deserve that. I may have lost my mind but I didn't treat him like a nothing for over half our marriage because people told me to, like he did. And he won't tell me anything. He's having a blast fucking whoever, doing whatever, having his cake and eating it too, and I'm about to put a stop to that and knock them both off their high horse. There is only so much one person can take before they break, before it's not worth it anymore, before it becomes too much for them to take. And I'm angry, I'm pissed off that I put so much in and take nothing away from it except hurt and pain and being treated like a nobody. And it's about to end, and I can tell you that I won't suffer if I stop caring, I will be the only one who comes out of it unscathed. They would be wise to remember that a little respect goes a long way.

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